Rant #11: Life Assessment
Today is my 77th birthday and I will get a little personal in assessing what I've done with it. Currently I am two weeks into a 4-6 week session of chemotherapy for acute myelocytic leukemia. So it's pretty clear I won't have too many more birthdays. My father died just after my third birthday in 1937 leaving my mother with three sons and a daughter to support. Long story short my older brother and I were placed in Girard College (a free boarding school for fatherless boys - a very good school) and my oldest brother in Hershey Industrial School (similar but a farm school). My own kids might very well be the victims of that upbringing. Growing up away from home had some tough times, both brothers and I managed to screw up by tenth grade but my last two years in high school were great with good studies and good friends. I had some trouble adapting to non-institutional life when I graduated high school but after three jobs in six months landed in a company lab that fit me perfectly - stayed for 15 months with encouragement from both my sister and all the lab staff to go to college. College was in all a great experience although not having much money had its moments. TUition was $600/year and books could be picked up with one hand and never cost more that $10. On graduating I was accepted to Penn State graduate school in chemistry. But within two weeks of starting Uncle Sam grew tired of my student deferment and drafted me. Penn State gave me a rain check. Sputnik was launched while I was in basic training so with a note from my Congressman I spent my years as a cold warrior in the Chemical Corps in Maryland measuring the solubility and viscosity of polymer and nerve gas solutions.
With a three month "early out" from the Army, I got to Penn State for 1959 Summer Session and life just got better. Studies and research were great: my master's advisor told me that I'd be studying half time, teaching half time, and doing research half time. In the fourth half I met a sociology masters candidate from Tennessee and by December we were engaged and in June 1960 married in the Chapel at Penn State. We got our Master's degrees the following January. I continued on to the PhD and she landed a great job as an assistant dean of women. By the spring of 1963 I was writing my thesis by night and doing lab checks in the day, when we had our twins (girl and boy) six weeks earlier than expected. The month of April was pretty much devoted to care and feeding and spelling each other. By Labor Day we were at Virginia Polytechnic Institute for a postion as Assistant Professor in the Chemistry Department. Barely co-ed and mostly cadets. Up to this point its been biographical but to assess this far I would say I had an untypical homelife or upbringing for the first say 20 years and for the next twenty say 1954-1974 I was pretty much at the top of my form. My wife had become a creative homemaker and a fantastic mother. We had a second son in 1966. The kids were still young enough to enjoy. I had been promoted to Associate Professor in 1968 and was due for consideration to Full Professor by the end of this period. It didn't happen. Although my "file" looked good: I had NSF grant, spent a summer at Oak Ridge National Lab with some good published results, a review chapter published in a advanced compendium that was more an evaluation of the literature than just a survey, a invited lecture at a Gorden Conference, averaged two more department committee assignments than my colleagues (the Department Head said "ask a busy man if you want to get something done.") My nomination was put forward and them abruptly withdrawn without ever any explanation. My suspicion is it was a political asassination by one or two senior faculty who didn't like my forthrightness or intolerance of phonies of we had our share. No matter. Life went on.
In 1975 I began a 15 year association with a couple of colleagues who had begun an university extension short course program teaching a hands on (laboratory) course of usually three days on Digital Electronics and on Computer Interfacing. We taught all over the country and also at the University. Our students were academics, industrial and government scientists and engineers. It was a very rewarding experience. On the personal side we bought a 100 acre farm and cropped Christmas trees (white pine) raising seedlings to six feet for three annual harvests. Trimming trees annualy was hard work but a great reprieve from the sedentary desk job and our own camp ground. In the 80's I has two books published, the second co-authored with a visiting Australian to my lab. My wife went back to both local universities to get accreditation to teach Latin. Found a job at a good suburban high school and taught 21 years to retirement. We launched the kids as reasonably well prepared in high school, good looking, and healthy. Story to follow - which is not meant to be hurtful but is part of my legacy. I say reasonably because the older son never took his studies seriously (although he showed incredible creativity all through his life) and instead became the class clown and general teacher pain. Unfortunately, his brother tended to emulate him. Unlike the father, they never straightened out in their last years. The daughter was a good hardworking and cooperative student all through school, she waited until she graduated to blow the lid off. I should finish the history before turning to my legacy. In 1988 we bought 30 acres 15 miles from our home with the intent of growing wine grapes. We needed to shorten my wife's commute of 50 miles one way. My spare time was used drasticly remodeling the interior. We sold our suburban home and eventually the tree farm. At work I facetiously titled myself Phariah Professor of Physical Chemistry and returned to teaching the undergrad physical chem lab and the digital electronics course and freshman chem whenever it fit. I was finessed out of the graduate courses in Thermodynamics and Chemical Bonding.
Now to my legacy - what do I leave behind that I produced? I see three areas: professional, personal and monumental. The latter giving a chance to end on a light note. Professionally, there are my pubications and my unpublications. Of the former it's not so much the whole works which were few enough but a theme that seemed to go through them. Most won't have a clue but I'm for reading it into the record. In my Oak Ridge paper we were able to show that the difference in the solubility of Hydrogen flouride and Deuterium (heavy hydrogen) flouride in an exotic molten salt mixture around 500 degrees completely on the difference in the rotational energy of the molecules as gases. Our next finding by my NSF graduate student had to do with solubilites of a variety of gases, helium, nitrogen and carbon dioxide, in simple molten salt solvents around 300 degrees, that the solubility of the gas depended on the area of the surface of the gas molecule being constricted from rotating and on a factor dependent on the viscosity of the solvent. Both of these results were explained by the Entropy of Solution and quite reasonable in hindsight. To make a long story short, after I retired I continued a study for the Army Chemical Center monitored by my last graduate student (and the only one who came willingly to work with me). We surveyed all the data we could find on the solubility of ammonia in various alcohols. THe data looked like a scatter gun shot - and out of the mess we were able to bring some really beautiful order based on the -guess?- the Entropy of Solution. One last piece performed by my second graduate student which remains buried in his thesis was that the crystal structure of Silver Chromate is in a metastable state when prepared at room temperature and must be heated to a higher temperature where it undergoes a so-called 2nd order transition to its stable form. That the data published of its heat capacity back in the 1930's is not correct. My unpublications all came after I retired but were based on notions I had since the '80s. I had my "flash" one day at home at lunch with the kids and my wife around the table and made some feeble notes and decided I'd call my theory Corporeal Field Theory to disinguish it from Einsteins General Field THeory. The pun is on my rank in the Army and the reference to body mass. Finally, I should admit that I had more than a little trouble recruiting graduate students to work with me, the first two were "encouraged" by the Department Head (before his betrayal) the first because I had fellowship funds and the second because one of my colleagues (and very good friend) was accumulating students at an alarming rate (he was an extrovert at the least). I had one who came wih a Master's degree and couldn't pass the prelim exams - had I really "played the game" he probably could have finished. My third student joined in the 80's and later told me I acted like I didn't want him. It took him seven years but we did so much together including teaching an electronics course at a Naval Research by driving the five hour trip or flying in a small airplane from the University airport. We have an ongoing friendship. Clearly my persona/introversion/personality offended/scared/repulsed the students who came to interview my research interests. Enough!
Briefly the twins flunked out of university. My daughter fell in with a partying fraternity clique, never got her interest in her coursework (Accounting - which fitted and still fits her personality). Her clique "boy"friend convinced her she should move away from home, so at 21 she left and then had to find a job to support her room and board. Through several jobs she ended up at a motel desk. When her married couple bosses decided on a great opportunity in Alaska she came and told us she wanted to go with her surrogate parents. They took a scenic route and when they got to Alaska she lost the job within the week. Stuck - she survived. She eventually met another underachiever whom she ultmately married - encouraged him to achieve. They have a working marriage and two really nice (and very bright) kids. Her twin brother started a year after she did. His meantime he worked as a line cook at a steak house. He had been living in "bachelor quarters." We wanted him to move back home for room and board. Both twins had keys to the house to come and go as they pleased. It lasted one year. He shone in one art course (my hope for him was architecture) his early computer skills and artistic abilities seemed a natural. He flunked out in two years. Started as a sou chef and launched his own career. Moved to Washington got a good job along with a Food Science graduate. When they broke up after several years we reconnected for about ten years, we discovered shared interests. He moved back and bought a house near us. I recently learned of a psycho study that achievement in life is associated with the ability for deferred gratification. This son would eat his Little Debbie cake before the school bus arrived. All three of our once beautiful children are now obese. Five years ago we offered $10K to get their BMI where it belonged. No takers. Finally comes our youngest. He knew he wasn't ready for university. So with our blessings he joined the Navy. When he was due for discharge, the day before we got a letter tha he was moving to Peoria with a mate where he ended up working full time night shift while she contributed little and he put them both through four years of college. When it was all over she dumped and went so far to take out a restraining order. Like his siblings, they are hard working, responsible and reliable employees. The younger son's issue seems to be choosing mates. He's back home and remarried to a wife even more obese than he. Both of his choices were intelligent and confident. He is our most independent and made it clear he'd as soon not see me than see me. Happily they still have good relations with their mother - and during my medical crisis have been there for her. I expect those who read this will wonder what kind of jerk I am - or maybe have figured it out.
The Summer before I retired I began pouring batchwise a concrete obelisk (like the Washington monument)with a 16 inch base and ultimately 12 feet tall which was laid to be the shadow caster (gnomen) of a sundial over a flat space of lawn about 20 x 40 feet. The obelisk has two hollow spaces, one near the bottom and one from the top which is formed around a 6 inch PVC pipe about four feet long. The bottom one we called a DNARIUM and holds samples of baby and adult hair from all our family (parents, three kids, two grandchildren). The top one has five brass flower cans with time capsules or each of the parents and kids. All these were sealed off by the summer of 2000. Since then the obelisks sides have been tiled with hand cast glazed tiles. The four differnt sides are dedicated to Truth, Beauty, Mystery, and Wisdom personified by Diana (air), Apollo (fire), Ceres (earth), and Bacchus (water). One column side is Shakespear's Sonnet 123 about time. This goes on and on, there are photos at my homepage Website
(Ebony Dungeon) Webaddress. My second monument is a garden house (called a Folly for obvious reasons). It is octogonal concrete block (4" thick walls) structure with each wall section five feet wide and seven feet tall) topped by a seven foot radius dome made of mortared stacked bottomless beer bottles (2500 in all). The whole structure has been stuccoed and painted by the end of last summer. Last winter I prepared letter tiles to write out four quatrains of the Rubiyat of Omar Khayam. This spring and summer hope to finish a mural on the dome interior of the planetary gods: Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Neptune, Saturn, Earth, and Uranus copied from a ceiling by Veronese at a Palladian villa at Maser, Italy. This is also one of my website pages.